Tiger Woods 2010

I recently got Tiger Woods 2010 for my PS2 (spare me your tired PS3/XBox rhetoric). It's the best golf I will ever play.

With TW10, I don't need Tiger to shoot 3 over par to beat him in the PGA Championship (you broke my heart, Tiger); my skills are so developed, I can whoop him on his best day. Even still, if he happens to start getting the better of me....BAM.....two...words:

reset button

THE POWER OF VIDEO GAMES!

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Seriously, the game mostly rocks. I say mostly because my 6 and 8 year old daughters can beat me at it, despite the hours I've invested while they waste time playing in the yard and such. Also, there's no Q school or Nationwide Tour, etc, and worst of all, there are no World Golf Rankings. HELLO!?

Strangely, there are also no visible fans or gallery, and no groups/pairings. The Sunday pairings are the best, and what fun is missing the fairway if the ball's not going to bean some unsuspecting fan. EA Sports fell far short on this occasion; there's a lot that just isn't in the game.

Building Home

It is so much fun being a home owner.

We looked for a house for almost 10 years; and now we are building a fence, installing gutters, and constructing a play set for our children in our very own backyard.

And I don’t want to hear another word about Americans not spending money. I have never spent so much money in my entire life: toilets, paint, light bulbs, diapers, nails, screws, lumber, tools, sod, printer cartridges, groceries, fish food, appliances, brakes, VeggieTales, and anything else you can think of…

WE BOUGHT AT LEAST TWO OF ‘EM!

We’re putting so much money into this economy, Obama actually called us when he got off the phone with the Chinese.

We’re spending so much money, the other day at Home Depot, when the clerk gave us the total, the register read out and receipt both read simply “mad cash.”

We have our own line on the US budget recently passed by Congress.

We’re actually printing our own currency. Not only is it recognized by the US government, but it’s valued higher than the dollar.

Our contracting alone accounts for 5% of state employment.

In the true spirit of Obama-nomics, we have even offered a grant to conduct squirrel research to determine how to keep those less-and-less-cute-everyday rodents from eating everything we plant….and how we might use them to produce green energy…and what type of ranged weapon will best get their attention and send a very clear signal about the boundaries of our property (though you can imagine, the lefties…and my daughters…ain’t too happy ‘bout that last one).

Seriously, we are very thankful for all God has provided and we rejoice in having a yard for the squirrels to invade. It is a lot of fun to watch our little “squirrels” chasing the neighborhood squirrels.

More To-Do

A List Scorned

I made another list today
I promptly threw that list away
As it fell I heard it say
“You couldn’t do it anyway.”

How rude, how brazen, how arrogant
To taunt me so, to claim I can’t
So what if that last shelf had a slant
A minor flaw, insignificant

My craft is proven, I have the skill
There’s hardly anything I can’t build
Or fix, or destroy to suit my will
It’s just at the moment, I’ve had my fill.

I’m taking a break from things to-do
A well deserved rest has long been due
So there, nasty list, you see what’s true
I have the skill, I just don’t like you.

So there…I’ll be on the couch if anyone needs me.

Ode to a To-Do List

A List

Oh list of things that I must do
Which long has grown past forty-two
Tasks of varying shapes and sizes
Quite daunting when one realizes
For every one you scratch you add
Twice as many which you had
Better attend to yesterday
Before the wife has a chance to say,

“Have you finished?”

Go Meat!

The first time I saw this commercial, I actually cheered.



Even my girls like it; they ask me to sing it for them.

Yup, not your ordinary girls...makes me proud.

Daddy's Constituents

One of the best parts of being a dad is that my girls don’t have the slightest concern over the Economic Bailou…er..Rescue Bill.

Their greatest concerns are making sure I don’t overlook any of them when handing out hugs and kisses when I walk through the door after work, can I guess what they did today, can I take them for a walk or to ride their bikes, do I like their latest artwork, and what’s for dessert.

Their smiles and hugs and kisses are precious treasures worth far more than $700 billion, and I wouldn’t risk those treasures for twice that amount.

Rich or poor, we’ve got faith in our God and love for one another, and that’s what matters most.

So, Congress…do your worst (as if they had to be told).

Raisin Bran: A "How To" Guide to Marshmallow Cereal

Does your wife object to Captain Crunch and other fun cereals, even when they're on sale?

In our house, I do the grocery shopping because my wife has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from past grocery trips with the children. I'm not sure what happened, but whenever the subject of grocery shopping comes up she can usually be found under the dining room table in the fetal position, and in between sobs I’m pretty sure she’s mumbling something about wine bottles.

Anyway, I try to explain to her that if you go grocery shopping with a plan it's actually pretty easy to manage the children. I once took all four girls to the store without a plan; when I got out of traction, I vowed never to do that again. Those girls are cute…but deadly. So, I don’t really blame my wife.

Where was I? Oh yeah...

While I do the shopping, I recognize that the only shopping software I have installed is Grocery Bachelor ’95. It’s a bit outdated, and I never got the service pack upgrade either, so if left to my own devices the closest thing to a vegetable that would ever reach our pantry is microwave popcorn. Consequently, when shopping for food, I’m always on the line with Tech Support (that’s my wife) to make sure I don’t stray too far from the list, go crazy over budget, or get brands that are unacceptable.

Whenever I come to the cereal aisle, the kids want nifty stuff, but mom shuns everything with “no nutritional value.” Now, we have to have breakfast cereal, otherwise every morning is a major production trying to get food on the table for our ever growing family (and we need those eggs and sausage for dinner, but that’s another story). So, I look across the limited selection of bland, expensive alternatives and settle on the cheapest cereal without cardboard listed as an ingredient.

Now, it’s hard to find a box of cereal that’s healthy, inexpensive, and has enough flavor to tempt you to break the fast, so when I see a sale on something decent, I stock up...

…and I try to mix it up when I can.


Finally, after weeks and weeks of the Raisin Bran genre of breakfast cereal…she broke. Where as normally I argue, I bargain, I finagle, I whine (that’s just between us)…all to no avail. Apparently, you get enough Raisin Bran in her and all it takes is, “Hey look, these are on sale.”

She stocked up…

…and I mix it up...

…when I can.